Of course my mom would ruin my prom night
doctor: are you sexually active
me: i'm not even physically active
I haven’t seen my brother in forever and now I remember why…we went to a family dinner and what did he do? Got drunk and now he’s being a jerk…
I have gotten a ton of peely skin and super chapped lips and its barely my fourth day using claravis. Oh and my face has been super red and itchy but I can’t touch it because it burns, also as of tonight my arms are getting patchy and I’m developing red rashes. That’s about it. Besides you know the breaking out.
It was so much better when my brother was home, my parents completely ignored me and focused on him. Now, they won’t stop yelling at me for everything. I don’t understand any of this at all, I just want to leave, please.
I’m so consumed with fear right now. I’m shaking and I can’t sleep. I never realized the war on drugs in Mexico directly affected me. I was researching it for one of my college essays and I found out so much and the pictures of some of the people. Over 60,000 deaths not even ten miles from my house. The worse part right now is going on in my dad’s city. My family sees...
Do you know how difficult it is to write a journal about how great and loving your family is when your mom is literally next door yelling at your brother?
So my other blog just reached 100 i know thats like NOTHING, but it makes me happy since i dont even know how i got ANY followers in the first place, i dont go out of my way or anything, so yah i feel like its a small accomplishment
I’m feeling even worse today. I hung out with one of my friends today and we watched a few funny movies, laughed and all that, but I feel so detached from her, from everyone. I honestly was more of myself with all those people I met at Stanford than I am with anyone here. I never had these states of willowing If you may. Wow Rah just texted me about pie. This is exactly what I mean, if...
Things I don't like:
Family trips. Road trips. And I especially don’t like family road trips.
Well it is summer, so you know, I sleep all day. Actually I wake up early then take tons of naps, but yah same concept. Moving on, this routine consisting of me doing pretty much nothing messes up my normal schedule. That being my 3 meals a day, I usually only have 1 and a snack on my current routine—if I remember to eat. I hadn’t realized I was altogether forgetting to eat till...
My brother just bought a $250 backpack. When I ask for money so I can buy a book or go to a movie or anything, my parents are so reluctant to give it to me. This is—if they give it to me. I hardly ever get anything because they say “we don’t have extra money to be spending”. They’re slightly more lenient for school related things, but I always get the cheapest...
I learned if you can’t contribute anything positive to someone, you shouldn’t waste their time by hanging out with them, the opposite is also true.
I always feel far more comfortable outside of my...
Away from what I’m used to.
Not all the time
Some times I go out on a limb and stop caring and post something stupid on my ‘main blog’ instead of this one or one of the others or even twitter. When I do this, people try to look past it and pretend that I was jut having a bad day and when they talk to me they overlook it or just slightly mention it as something insignificant. I guess it usually is, well at least to them. For me,...
Ive been staying here for the past 10 days and have had about 30second conversations with my family everyday. I saw them for the first time since, today. I honestly didn’t know how to act around them, I hugged them and I didn’t know what to do. I felt like they were friends I hadnt seen in a really long time, because of how awkward I felt. As soon as Rahul (my team leader) got...
I genuinely smiled for the first time in a while right now. All because someone (i don’t even know them) made a spiderman joke out of my post (I posted about how scared I was). Wow I love Interweb people. You guys are the best :D
What to do
The senior social is today. Most of the class is going to watch snow white and a few of us are going to go eat dinner afterwards. Well I was debating whether to go or not and was going to rant but I forgot I started this post. Goes with saying that it was an hour ago, I didn’t go. Whatever.
"Value of the week: respect"
On my way to school I’ve been seeing this, I know I act respectively towards people, but do I actually respect anyone? ” esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability” I know I respect my HST teachers, not anyone of them in particular, but all of them as a group because they know so much about something so important (the human body)...
It really helps you realize who you are.
I just realized I’m at that point in life where I have no one to talk to. There isn’t much I have to say, but it’d still be nice to have someone. There is literally no one I can have a real, intuitive conversation with. I leave for California in a week, so maybe I’ll meet some people I can actually relate to and talk to, for the first time. There is so much I want to...
Referring back to the previous post, my mom was convinced by his little statement and is now closely watching my every move. “Why aren’t you eating?” I ate an hour ago “Self harm is bad, don’t do it.” Obviously “Solitude isn’t very good” Most of my friends are on vacation “Why are you always at home? Go hang out...
Are you serious?
I went to the doctor for my annual physical yesterday and to make a long story short, he told me I was depressed and should probably be medicated for it. I honestly don’t know where he came up with that. He asked me if anything out of the ordinary was going on and I just explained that I had been having severe body aches about every week for a while. He pretty much told me that they were...
Why have I changed so much?
I used to be really nice and try to find the good in people and at times I still do, but its so hard most of the time. People really annoy me now, more than ever. I’ve also started letting things get to me and letting things people do or say get me down. I used to be so strong, but now I’ve just become a more reserved, introverted person. I honestly don’t like it, but I guess...
People only like being around happy people. If you’re sad they’ll comfort you for a bit, but when they realize that’s just the person you are, all your friends loose interest. This is what I learned at school today.
Essential yet appealed
If I write what I feel, it’s to reduce the fever of feeling. What I confess is...– Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet (via theoldludwigvan)
I think that’s why I really like those sad, heart shattering songs. In the best songs you can hear the emotion in the vocals and instruments as each note is played and lyric is sung. Love songs don’t have the same impact since they’re upbeat, but songs about losing someone, anyone don’t necessarily need to be relatable in order for the emotion to be shown, simply hearing a...
There’s something incredible about things you don’t understand, usually I’m very nonchalant about them, but when I do stop and think about them or research them its like something new has been unlocked, a treasure has been found Also it’s a great feeling to know something the majority of your peers don’t and being able to explain it thoroughly —very self...
Just overthinking, again.
I would love to be this kind of person, but I’m not quite capable of being so invested and so engulfed in one thing for very long, perhaps the vast amount of ideas, thoughts, or even inspiration that can be percieved by one piece of art will be able to change me. Might as well, one can only try and hope to become a greater type of person or at least expand their mind’s boundaries...
Sometimes you just need to let it all out...
this is that somewhere