Family trips.
Road trips.
And I especially don’t like family road trips.

Well it is summer, so you know, I sleep all day. Actually I wake up early then take tons of naps, but yah same concept. Moving on, this routine consisting of me doing pretty much nothing messes up my normal schedule. That being my 3 meals a day, I usually only have 1 and a snack on my current routine—if I remember to eat. I hadn’t realized I was altogether forgetting to eat till today. I happened to get on the scale for no reason and noticed I lost about 7 lbs since I got home. I hadn’t actually been working out or watching what I ate, then I realized—I hadn’t been eating. I guess I’d just been overlooking it. Anyways today I was starving after I saw how much I weighed and I’ll probably gain it back in the next few days, but I just thought it was weird that my body could forget such an important thing—that I could forget to do such an important thing (that I love).

My brother just bought a $250 backpack.

When I ask for money so I can buy a book or go to a movie or anything, my parents are so reluctant to give it to me. This is—if they give it to me. I hardly ever get anything because they say “we don’t have extra money to be spending”. They’re slightly more lenient for school related things, but I always get the cheapest available.

Ok now, my brother, he hardly goes to school he had probably one class last semester, same goes for this one and what does he do? He buys a super expensive backpack.

I learned if you can’t contribute anything positive to someone, you shouldn’t waste their time by hanging out with them, the opposite is also true.

Away from what I’m used to.

Some times I go out on a limb and stop caring and post something stupid on my ‘main blog’ instead of this one or one of the others or even twitter. When I do this, people try to look past it and pretend that I was jut having a bad day and when they talk to me they overlook it or just slightly mention it as something insignificant. I guess it usually is, well at least to them.
For me, it’s so much more. My insides start physically hurting, during the day I try to ignore it by watching movies or spending time talking and hanging out with people, but when the day is coming to a close, all the pain just comes rushing back. Some nights its hardly bearable, like tonight. My chest is hurting and I find it so difficult to breathe, but I’m trying to ignore it by focusing on the letters in this post.
If you look and pay attention enough everything stops seeming real.
This is how I usually get over the pain.
Just stop feeling altogether

I never realized how messed up I sound till I wrote it out.

I hardly doubt anyone reads this so it’s fine, but yah I just needed to vent and it helped a little bit. So thanks for the space and time.
I greatly appreciate it more than you can possibly know.

Ive been staying here for the past 10 days and have had about 30second conversations with my family everyday. I saw them for the first time since, today. I honestly didn’t know how to act around them, I hugged them and I didn’t know what to do. I felt like they were friends I hadnt seen in a really long time, because of how awkward I felt. As soon as Rahul (my team leader) got there I immediately got more comfortable (I met him my 2nd day here). I think there is seriously a problem with me. How is it that I feel more comfortable with a 21 year old I met about 10 days a go than I do my mom and brother that I’ve known for 17 years.

I genuinely smiled for the first time in a while right now. All because someone (i don’t even know them) made a spiderman joke out of my post (I posted about how scared I was). Wow I love Interweb people. You guys are the best :D

The senior social is today. Most of the class is going to watch snow white and a few of us are going to go eat dinner afterwards. Well I was debating whether to go or not and was going to rant but I forgot I started this post. Goes with saying that it was an hour ago, I didn’t go. Whatever.

On my way to school I’ve been seeing this, I know I act respectively towards people, but do I actually respect anyone?
” esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability”
I know I respect my HST teachers, not anyone of them in particular, but all of them as a group because they know so much about something so important (the human body) and stopped their careers and decided to share it with us.

But besides them, I don’t earnestly respect many people in my life.

Thinking back on this, I honestly don’t even respect them too much….